7 signs someone isn’t actually healing, they’re just learning how to hide their wounds better

My mom used to say “Time heals all wounds.” But let’s be honest, not all wounds heal with time. Some just get better at being hidden.

We’ve all been there, right? We’ve plastered on a smile when we’re hurting inside, brushed off our pain as if it’s nothing more than a pesky fly.

But let’s cut to the chase.

True healing isn’t about camouflaging your emotional bruises. It’s about acknowledging them, understanding them and working through them.

So, how do you tell if someone isn’t actually healing, but just learning how to hide their wounds better? Here are seven signs to watch out for.

1) They avoid talking about the issue

Have you ever tried to broach a sensitive topic with someone, only to have them quickly change the subject?

This could be a sign that they’re not quite ready to confront their pain.

Avoidance is a classic tactic we all use when we’re trying to evade something uncomfortable. But real healing requires us to face what’s troubling us head-on.

It’s like ripping off a band-aid – it might hurt in the moment, but it’s the first step towards recovery.

So, if you notice that someone consistently sidesteps certain topics, they might be hiding their wounds rather than healing them.

But remember, everyone has their own pace. You can’t rush someone into healing, just like you can’t rush a caterpillar into becoming a butterfly.

2) They seem overly positive

We all know that one person who always seems to be in high spirits, no matter what. They’re always on cloud nine, their life seems like a continuous joy ride.

But sometimes, this excessive positivity can be a mask for deeper pain.

Let me share a personal example. A few years back, I had a friend who had the brightest smile and the loudest laugh. She was Ms. Sunshine personified. But behind closed doors, she was fighting a battle with depression.

Her relentless positivity was a defense mechanism, a way to keep her true feelings at bay. It was her way of hiding her wounds from the world – and from herself.

If someone seems too positive, too cheerful all the time – especially after going through a tough situation – they might be using positivity as their shield. This is not about bursting their bubble, it’s about helping them find balanced emotions and true healing.

3) They’re always busy

Ever noticed someone who’s suddenly taken up five new hobbies, started working overtime, or maybe even joined a gym out of the blue?

Sometimes, we bury ourselves in work and activities to avoid dealing with our emotions. It’s like running on a treadmill – you’re moving, but not really going anywhere.

I remember when my uncle passed away. Instead of grieving, I threw myself into work. I was always ‘too busy’ to feel the pain. It took me a while to understand that I was just putting off the inevitable.

Busyness can be a form of escapism, a way to dodge emotional pain and pretend everything is okay. But, as we all know, running away from problems only makes them chase you harder.

And if someone’s calendar is suddenly overflowing, they might be trying to outrun their pain, not heal it. And it’s important for us to be there for them when they finally stop running – out of breath and ready to face their wounds head-on.

4) They’ve become withdrawn

Sometimes, people who are hurting choose to isolate themselves. They retreat into their shells, like a turtle sensing danger.

It’s not that they suddenly dislike company. It’s just that they’re trying to deal with their emotions in solitude – or maybe even trying to hide their suffering from the world.

I’ve seen this happen with a close friend of mine. After a tough breakup, she became a bit of a hermit, preferring the company of her books over people. It was her way of hiding her hurt under the guise of newfound introversion.

If someone you know becomes unusually withdrawn, it might be a sign they’re masking their wounds instead of healing them.

It’s crucial to let them know that it’s okay to be vulnerable, and that they don’t have to face their pain alone. Because healing isn’t a solitary journey – it’s a path we walk together.

5) Their sleeping patterns have changed

Sleep, as it turns out, is closely linked to our emotional health. Studies have shown that people who are dealing with unresolved emotional issues often experience changes in their sleep patterns.

They might be sleeping too much, as if trying to escape their reality in dreams. Or, they might be having trouble sleeping at all, their minds too busy replaying painful memories or worrying about the future.

I recall a phase when I went through a personal crisis and found myself either sleeping all day or spending countless nights staring at the ceiling. My sleep was directly affected by the turmoil I was feeling inside.

Keep in mind, it’s not about forcing them to ‘snap out of it’, but helping them find healthier ways to process their pain.

6) They’re quick to reassure you they’re fine

“I’m fine.” Two words, so simple yet so complex.

We’ve all used these words when we’re far from fine, haven’t we? It’s like a reflex – a protective wall we build to keep others from seeing our pain.

A friend of mine used to say “I’m fine” with such conviction, you’d never guess the tears she’d shed in solitude. She was like a magician, expertly making her pain disappear in front of others.

But the thing is, it’s okay to not be okay. And it’s okay to let others see that you’re not okay. Because we all have our battles, our wounds, our scars. And sharing them doesn’t make us weak – it makes us human.

Knowing someone is too quick to reassure you they’re fine, they might be hiding their wounds rather than healing them. And that’s when they need your understanding and empathy the most.

Because true healing begins when we let go of the need to hide our pain.

7) They’ve become overly defensive

When a wound is fresh, we instinctively protect it, don’t we? It’s the same with emotional wounds. People who are hurting often become overly defensive. They may react strongly to harmless comments or criticism, perceiving them as threats.

This heightened defensiveness is their way of protecting their still healing wounds from further pain. But by doing so, they’re merely hiding their pain, not addressing it.

Remember, healing isn’t about building higher walls, but about finding the strength to lower them. It’s about being open to feel, to hurt and ultimately to heal.

So if someone has suddenly become overly defensive, they’re likely fighting a hidden battle.

And your role? To be there for them with patience and compassion, reminding them that it’s not about how well they hide their wounds, but how bravely they heal them.

Embracing the journey of healing

If you see yourself or someone you know in these signs, remember – it’s okay. We’ve all been there, hiding our wounds under a brave face. But true healing requires us to peel off that mask and face our pain.

The good news is, it’s never too late to start. Healing is a journey, not a destination. It’s about learning to walk through our pain instead of around it.

Start by acknowledging your feelings, no matter how uncomfortable they might be. Small acts of self-care and self-love can go a long way in this journey.

If you’re supporting someone else on their healing journey, be patient. Be kind. Healing cannot be rushed. Sometimes, all they need is someone to sit with them in their pain, to remind them that they’re not alone.

Remember what Carl Jung once said: “I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.” You are not defined by your wounds, but by how you choose to heal them.

Take a deep breath, and embrace the journey of healing – with all its ups and downs. Because at the end of the day, it’s not about hiding our wounds better, but about healing them better. One step at a time.