7 signs you were brought up by an emotional bully for a parent, says psychology

Growing up, my mom would always say, “A parent’s job isn’t to be your friend – it’s to mold you into a responsible adult.” However, there’s a fine line between guidance and emotional manipulation.

Do you ever feel like your childhood was riddled with more criticism than compliments? Or perhaps, you’re constantly second-guessing yourself or feel an unshakeable sense of guilt that you just can’t pinpoint?

Here’s the hard truth.

Psychology suggests that these feelings may not be baseless. They could be indicative of an emotionally abusive upbringing.

Now, before you dismiss this as another attempt to blame parents, let me clarify. It isn’t about pointing fingers or fostering resentment. It’s about understanding how your past might be influencing your present, and perhaps, hindering your personal growth.

So, if you find yourself questioning, “Was my parent an emotional bully?” keep reading. This article aims to shed light on seven signs that could help answer that question and possibly pave the way for some much-needed self-awareness and healing.

Remember, understanding is the first step towards growth. And it’s never too late to re-route our life’s journey towards authenticity and self-love.

1) You’re constantly striving for perfection

Ever wonder why you’re so obsessed with getting everything just right?

Well, think back. Was there a voice in your childhood, always pointing out how you could’ve done things better? A voice that seldom seemed satisfied, no matter how hard you tried?

That’s a classic sign of an emotionally abusive parent. They often set unrealistic expectations for their children, making them feel as though they’re never good enough.

This can lead to a constant pursuit of perfection in adulthood. It’s like you’re forever trying to win an approval that always seems just out of reach. And guess what? That’s not a healthy way to live.

Remember, no one is perfect – not even your parents. Understanding and accepting this can be a huge step towards letting go of this exhausting chase and embracing a more balanced approach to life.

2) You struggle with self-worth

Let me share a personal story.

Growing up, I remember how my father would always compare me to my siblings or his friend’s children. “Why can’t you be more like them?” he’d often say. This made me feel like I was never good enough, that I lacked something.

This kind of behavior from a parent can lead to severe self-esteem issues in adulthood. It’s as if, no matter your achievements, there’s a part of you that feels unworthy or inadequate.

If you find yourself battling such feelings, it’s important to acknowledge this as a likely echo from your past. Know that your worth isn’t defined by comparison but by the unique individual you are. It may be a tough journey of unlearning and relearning, but trust me, it’s worth it!

3) Emotional expression feels like walking on eggshells

You know that sinking feeling you get when you’re about to share something personal, something that brings out strong emotions in you?

That knot in your stomach isn’t just fear. It’s a learned response.

If your emotional outbursts were met with ridicule or dismissal in your formative years, it’s likely you’ve grown up to be an adult who hesitates before expressing feelings. It’s like you’re always on high alert, anticipating the worst reaction and thereby, guarding yourself.

This isn’t just about being introverted or shy. It’s about a deeply ingrained fear of vulnerability, a fear that traces its roots back to an emotionally abusive parent.

But here’s the thing – your emotions are valid. They’re part of what makes you human and there’s no shame in expressing them. It may take time and practice to unlearn this fear, but once you do, it will be an empowering step towards reclaiming your voice.

4) You find it hard to say no

Do you often find yourself agreeing to things you’d rather not? Or maybe, you take on more than you can handle, just because you couldn’t muster the courage to say no?

This difficulty in setting boundaries often stems from a childhood where your needs were disregarded or belittled. An emotionally abusive parent may have made you feel selfish or ungrateful for prioritizing your own needs.

But here’s the truth – you are allowed to say no. It doesn’t make you selfish. In fact, setting boundaries is a crucial part of self-care and personal growth.

So, next time you’re tempted to agree to something against your better judgment, remember it’s okay to prioritize yourself. Your needs matter, and anyone who respects you will understand that.

5) You’re plagued by chronic guilt

Did you know that guilt is often referred to as a “shadow emotion?” It lurks in the background, silently influencing our thoughts, feelings, and actions.

Now, if you often find yourself shouldering an unexplained sense of guilt, it could be a sign of an emotionally abusive upbringing. You see, emotional bullies have a knack for shifting blame, making you feel responsible for their feelings or actions.

This can result in a guilt complex that bleeds into adulthood. It’s like you’re constantly on trial in your own mind, always feeling the need to defend or justify your actions.

But here’s what you need to understand – you are not responsible for other people’s emotions or their actions. It’s high time we bust this misplaced sense of accountability and liberate ourselves from the shackles of unwarranted guilt.

6) You have a hard time trusting others

Here’s something I want you to remember – your struggle with trust doesn’t define you. It’s not a flaw in your character, but rather, a result of past experiences that were out of your control.

If you grew up with an emotionally abusive parent, trust may feel like a luxury. After all, the one person who was supposed to protect and nurture you, did the opposite.

This breach of trust can create defensive walls, making it difficult to form deep, meaningful connections in adulthood. You may find yourself pushing people away, fearful of being hurt again.

But let me tell you this – it’s okay to let your guard down. Not everyone is out to hurt you. There are people out there who genuinely care and will respect your boundaries. Trusting again may seem scary, but it’s an essential step towards healing and building healthier relationships.

7) You struggle with self-identity

The most significant sign of an emotionally abusive upbringing is a struggle with self-identity. Growing up with a parent who belittled, criticized, or dismissed you can lead to a distorted sense of self.

You may find it challenging to recognize your strengths, passions, or beliefs because you were never allowed to explore or express them freely. Your identity may have been overshadowed by the needs and expectations of your parent.

But here’s the crucial thing – you are not an extension of your parent. You are a unique individual with your own set of strengths, weaknesses, and passions. Reclaiming your identity might be a long, arduous journey, but it’s one that will lead you towards authenticity and self-love. And that, dear reader, is truly worth fighting for.

In conclusion

If you’ve found yourself nodding along to these signs, it’s essential to remember – these experiences have shaped you, but they don’t define you.

The realization that you were raised by an emotionally abusive parent may be challenging to face. It might unearth pain and anger. But here’s the silver lining – it’s also the first step towards healing.

With self-awareness, courage, and patience, you can unlearn these patterns ingrained in your psyche. You can reclaim your worth, your voice, and your identity.

Why? Because you deserve to live a life not shadowed by past experiences. You deserve to embrace the authenticity that lies beneath these learned behaviors.

Begin by acknowledging your feelings and experiences. Then take small but consistent steps towards healing. Reach out for support when the journey seems overwhelming.

Remember, you’re not alone in this journey. Many have walked this path before and have emerged stronger and more self-aware.

So as you reflect on this, remember – you are more than the sum of your past. You are a work in progress, ever-evolving towards a stronger, more authentic self. And that journey, dear reader, is truly worth embarking on.