7 subtle signs you’re dealing with an expert manipulator, says psychology

Navigating the world of personalities, I’m sure you’ve encountered all sorts of people – the influencers, the persuaders, and yes, the manipulators. And let’s be honest, it’s that last group that gives us a bit of a headache.

Manipulation isn’t about helping you see a different perspective or guiding you toward making an informed decision. No, manipulation is all about power and control. It’s about making you dance to their tune without you even realizing it.

But here’s the thing: Recognizing manipulation isn’t always easy. It’s subtle; it’s underhanded. But don’t worry – psychology has got your back.

In this article, we’ll delve into seven subtle signs that you’re dealing with an expert manipulator. By understanding these signs, not only will you protect yourself from being manipulated, but you’ll also better align your interactions with your own personal brand and authenticity.

Stay tuned, and get ready to become a little wiser in the world of manipulation.

1) They’re a master of words

Have you ever met someone who just has a way with words? They seem to know exactly what to say to make you see things their way. Well, be careful because this could be a sign you’re dealing with a manipulator.

Expert manipulators are masters of language. They know how to twist words and manipulate conversations to suit their own needs. They’ll make you believe that what they’re suggesting is for your own good when really, it’s all about serving their interests.

The famous psychologist Carl Jung once said, “People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own soul.” This is exactly what manipulators exploit. They make you question your own thoughts and feelings, and before you know it, you’re siding with them.

So, next time someone seems a little too persuasive with their words, take a step back and consider whether they’re genuinely trying to help or if they’re simply manipulating the situation to their advantage.

2) They always play the victim

I remember a colleague from a few years back who seemed to have the world against her – or at least, that’s what she wanted us to believe. Every project setback, every deadline missed, she’d paint herself as the victim, shifting the blame onto others or external circumstances.

The reality? She was a skilled manipulator, utilizing her ‘victim’ status to evade responsibility and foster sympathy.

Legendary psychologist Sigmund Freud once said, “He that has eyes to see and ears to hear may convince himself that no mortal can keep a secret. If his lips are silent, he chatters with his fingertips; betrayal oozes out of him at every pore.”

In essence, even if a manipulator is silent about their intentions, their actions speak volumes. By consistently playing the victim, they subtly manipulate those around them into a narrative that suits their purpose.

It’s crucial to take note of these patterns and question whether someone’s perpetual victimhood is genuine misfortune or strategic manipulation. Recognizing this sign can protect you from being ensnared in their web of deceit.

3) They gaslight you

Ever found yourself questioning your own sanity in a conversation? That’s what gaslighting does to you.

Gaslighting is a manipulative technique where someone makes you doubt your own perception of reality, and it’s a favorite tool of expert manipulators. They’ll twist the truth, deny facts, and make you feel like you’re losing your mind.

I’ve been there – a friend once consistently denied things she’d clearly said, making me question my memory. It was confusing and unsettling. It took a while to understand this was her manipulation at play.

The renowned psychologist Albert Bandura said, “In order to succeed, people need a sense of self-efficacy, to struggle together with resilience to meet the inevitable obstacles and inequities of life.” But gaslighting chips away at this self-efficacy; it undermines your confidence in your own experiences.

Remember, it’s okay to trust your gut. Don’t let someone else warp your reality. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.

4) They use guilt as a weapon

One of the most potent tools in a manipulator’s arsenal is guilt. They know how to make you feel guilty for not aligning with their wants or needs, making you more likely to bend to their will.

A personal experience that comes to mind is when a former boss would use guilt to get us to work overtime. Statements like “I’m just trying to keep the business afloat” or “Everyone needs to pull their weight” were regularly used to make us feel bad about leaving on time.

Interestingly, a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that individuals are more likely to comply with requests if they feel guilty. The research indicated that feelings of guilt increase our desire to cooperate and make amends, traits that manipulators exploit.

If you find yourself feeling unnecessarily guilty around someone, it might be time to reassess your relationship with them. It’s crucial to remember that everyone has the right to assert their boundaries without being made to feel guilty.

5) They’re never wrong

Ever noticed how some people just can’t seem to admit they’re wrong? It’s as if their ego is too fragile to handle the slightest hint of error.

Take my cousin, for instance. Whether it’s a friendly debate about current events or a disagreement on movie preferences, he never admits he’s wrong. Even when presented with facts, he has a knack for twisting them to fit his narrative.

This trait is common among manipulators. They portray themselves as infallible, creating a facade of superiority to dominate others.

The influential psychologist Abraham Maslow once said, “What is necessary to change a person is to change his awareness of himself.” But if someone is unable to admit their mistakes, they hinder this self-awareness and growth.

So watch out for those who never seem to be wrong. It might be more than just stubbornness – it could be a sign of manipulation.

6) They’re overly charming

This might come as a surprise, but excessive charm can be a red flag. Of course, not everyone who’s charming is a manipulator, but manipulators often use charm as a means to an end.

I had a friend who was the life of every party, always saying the right things at the right time. It was only later that I realized his charm was a tool to get what he wanted, be it favors, information, or compliance.

If you encounter someone whose charm feels too polished or strategic, take a step back. It could be their way of subtly manipulating you for their own gain.

7) They’re always one step ahead

Finally, manipulators are often strategic thinkers. They seem to always be a step ahead, predicting reactions and planning accordingly.

The great psychologist Daniel Kahneman once said, “We’re blind to our blindness. We have very little idea of how little we know.” A manipulator, however, leverages this blindness to their advantage.

If someone always seems too prepared or ready with a counter-argument, be cautious. It could be a sign of manipulation at play.

Final reflections

Navigating the complexities of human behavior is no easy task. From the influencers to the persuaders, and especially the manipulators, each interaction adds another layer to our understanding.

Recognizing the subtle signs of manipulation is not just about self-protection but also about fostering authenticity in our relationships. By seeing through the manipulator’s tactics, we can maintain our self-awareness and personal brand integrity.

Remember, knowledge is power. Understanding these seven signs can be your shield in a world where manipulation can lurk in unexpected corners.

So, take a moment to reflect on your interactions. Are they genuine and authentic? Or are there hidden strings being pulled? The answer might just open your eyes to a whole new perspective.