7 things boomers say that make Gen Z instantly shut down emotionally, according to psychology

I remember my father’s favorite phrase growing up: “Back in my day…” followed by some anecdote about how his generation had it tougher. It was amusing, if not a bit cliché. But the generational gap is no laughing matter, especially when it comes to communication.

Here’s the scoop.

When boomers converse with Gen Z, often their well-intended advice or observations can inadvertently trigger an emotional shutdown.

And it’s not because of Gen Z’s alleged sensitivity. It’s just that certain phrases or attitudes can leave them feeling misunderstood or undervalued.

If you’re a boomer wondering “Why don’t they understand me?” or a Gen Z thinking “Why don’t they get it?”—hold on.

We’re about to explore seven things boomers often say that can make the younger generation instantly shut down emotionally, all according to psychology.

Remember, effective communication isn’t just about talking—it’s about understanding and connecting. And it starts with self-awareness and authenticity. So, let’s dive in and bridge that generational gap together.

1) “When I was your age”

We’ve all heard it.

The inevitable comparison between generations. “When I was your age” is a phrase that boomers often use to kick-start a conversation, but it’s one that can leave Gen Z feeling instantly dismissed.

The phrase carries an unspoken implication that the experiences of boomers are somehow more valid or tougher than those of the younger generation.

Gen Z, growing up in a world that is vastly different from the one boomers experienced, may find this comparison unfair and irrelevant.

Psychology tells us that such comparisons can trigger feelings of inadequacy and frustration. Instead of fostering understanding, they build walls.

Next time you’re tempted to start a sentence with “When I was your age”, try a different approach. Show curiosity about their experiences instead. Ask about their challenges and victories. You might be surprised at what you learn.

2) “You have it easy these days”

I remember discussing my work with my Uncle Bob, a classic boomer. When I shared how stressful it can be to manage all the digital communications, he quickly dismissed it with, “You have it easy these days! In my time, we didn’t even have email.”

While his intentions were good, his words left me feeling invalidated.

You see, every generation has its own unique set of challenges. For Gen Z, living in a hyper-connected world brings its own stressors that boomers may not fully grasp.

By saying “You have it easy,” boomers unconsciously belittle the experiences and hardships of Gen Z. This can cause an emotional shutdown and create a barrier in communication.

Let’s acknowledge that each generation has its struggles. It’s not about who had it harder but about understanding and respecting each other’s journeys.

3) “You’re too young to understand”

Picture this: I was at a family gathering, in the midst of a heated discussion about politics. I put forth my viewpoint, only to be met with a dismissive “You’re too young to understand.”

There it was. A full stop in the conversation. My opinions, discarded.

The thing is, age doesn’t always correlate with understanding or wisdom. Gen Z, thanks to the internet and social media, are exposed to a plethora of information and diverse perspectives. They are more informed than any generation before them.

When boomers say, “You’re too young to understand,” it can feel like a direct attack on Gen Z’s intelligence and capability to comprehend complex matters. This can lead to feelings of resentment and emotional distancing.

So, let’s not underestimate the younger generation. Instead, let’s encourage open dialogue and respect their ability to contribute meaningfully to discussions, regardless of their age.

4) “You need to respect your elders”

“Respect your elders.” A phrase we’ve all grown up hearing.

While respect is a cornerstone of human interaction, it shouldn’t be solely attributed to age. Respect should be mutual, earned through actions and behavior, not automatically granted because of the year someone was born.

When boomers assert this phrase, it can feel like a power play to Gen Z. A way to assert dominance and suppress their voice.

This can lead to feelings of resentment and can cause Gen Z to emotionally shut down. It creates an uneven playing field where their thoughts and opinions are deemed less valuable.

And instead of insisting on respect based on age, let’s encourage respect based on understanding, empathy, and shared values.

5) “Why are you always on that phone?”

Yes, Gen Z does spend a significant amount of time on their devices. But here’s something you might not know – their smartphone usage is not just about leisure.

In fact, a report from the Global Web Index found that Gen Z uses their phones for various purposes, including learning new skills, staying informed about current events, and even for mental health support.

So when boomers criticize Gen Z’s screen time with phrases like “Why are you always on that phone?”, it can feel dismissive and judgmental. It can make them feel misunderstood and can lead to emotional withdrawal.

The digital world is a significant part of Gen Z’s life – it’s how they navigate through their personal, educational, and even professional lives. Let’s respect that and explore ways to bridge the digital divide.

6) “You’ll understand when you’re older”

In a heart-to-heart with my niece, a bright Gen Z-er, she once shared her worries about climate change and the future of our planet. My response? “You’ll understand when you’re older.”

Immediately, I saw her face fall. I had unintentionally dismissed her concerns.

Boomers often use the phrase “You’ll understand when you’re older” with the intention to soothe or pacify. But for Gen Z, it may feel like their feelings or concerns are being dismissed or trivialized.

This can lead to emotional disconnection and can make them feel unsupported.

Let’s remember that Gen Z’s worries and fears are valid, even if they seem premature to us. Let’s lend an ear, share our experiences, and navigate these concerns together.

7) “Life isn’t fair”

Life isn’t fair – a statement of fact, but one that can sting when used in the wrong context.

When Gen Z faces hardships or struggles, hearing “Life isn’t fair” from boomers can feel like a cold dismissal of their emotions.

It’s significant to remember that validation is crucial in any conversation, particularly when someone is sharing their difficulties.

Responding with “Life isn’t fair” can be perceived as a lack of empathy, causing Gen Z to withdraw emotionally.

Instead of resorting to this phrase, let’s acknowledge their struggles, validate their feelings and offer support. Let’s remind them that while life may not always be fair, they have the strength and resilience to navigate through its ups and downs.

Embracing the generational divide

The generational gap between Boomers and Gen Z is a reality. But it doesn’t have to be a barrier. It can be an opportunity for growth, understanding, and empathy.

Start by noticing when these phrases slip into your conversation. Pay attention to how they’re received. Remember, it’s not about who’s right, but about fostering understanding.

Want to bridge that gap? It might be simpler than you think.

It begins with listening. Really hearing the concerns, fears, and aspirations of Gen Z without judgment or dismissal. It involves acknowledging their unique experiences and challenges, just as valid as those of any other generation.

And above all, it requires authenticity – being genuine in our desire to understand and connect with them. In doing so, we not only enrich our own lives but also create more inclusive and empathetic spaces for everyone.

So let’s start today – one conversation at a time.