7 ways to make your child feel loved, even if you aren’t a naturally expressive person

“Love isn’t always about grand gestures and heartfelt speeches.” My mom used to say that. It took me a while, but I finally understood what she meant.

You see, I’ve never been the type to wear my emotions on my sleeve. Expressing my feelings doesn’t come naturally to me. But when I became a parent, I had an epiphany.

Love isn’t defined by how expressive you are, but by the tiny actions that show your child you care.

If you’re like me and struggle to express your feelings outwardly, you might worry whether your child truly feels loved. You might question, “How can I make my child feel cherished?”

Trust me; you’re not alone in this.

If you’ve ever wondered how to show your love as a less expressive person, stick around. I’ve got seven tips aimed at helping you make your child feel loved and cherished every single day.

And the best part? These tips are simple, subtle, and easily integrated into your daily routine. No grand gestures or dramatic declarations needed.

Remember, expressing love is about more than words or overt actions. It’s about aligning your actions with your feelings consistently and genuinely – even if those actions might seem small or insignificant to others.

1) Master the art of active listening

“Actions speak louder than words,” they say. Well, sometimes listening speaks louder than both.

Let me break it down for you.

As parents, we often feel the need to jump in and give advice or solve problems for our kids. But here’s the thing – it’s not always about finding solutions.

Sometimes, it’s about allowing them to express their feelings without interruption. It’s about acknowledging their emotions and validating their experiences.

Active listening is a great way to show your child that you care. When they’re talking, pay full attention. Put away your phone, make eye contact, and respond appropriately.

Remember, it’s not about offering solutions or advice – unless they specifically ask for it. It’s about giving them a safe space to express themselves and feel heard.

Show your child that their words matter to you. This simple act can help them feel loved and valued, even if you don’t express your love in grand, overt ways.

2) Develop a personalized ‘love language’

When it comes to expressing love, one size doesn’t fit all. A personal example? My daughter.

She’s always been a little different from her peers. While other kids her age were thrilled by surprise trips to the amusement park or extravagant birthday parties, my daughter found joy in the simple, quieter moments.

She loved our evening walks in the park, our weekend baking sessions, and even our shared silence while reading together.

It took me a while to realize that these were her ‘love languages’. These activities were her way of feeling connected and loved.

So, I made an effort to incorporate these things into our daily routine. Instead of grand gestures, I focused on these small moments that meant the world to her.

Remember, every child has their unique love language. It could be anything from quality time and acts of service to words of affirmation or even thoughtful gifts.

Take the time to understand your child’s love language. Once you do, you can communicate your love in ways that resonate with them most, even if you’re not naturally expressive.

3) When you mess up, own it

We’re parents, not superheroes. We make mistakes. We have off days. We lose our patience and say things we don’t mean.

There was this one day, when I was overwhelmed with work, bills, and life in general. My son accidentally spilled his juice on the carpet, and I snapped.

I saw the hurt in his eyes and immediately regretted my outburst. But what I did next was crucial.

I apologized.

I didn’t brush it off or justify my reaction. I sat down with him, looked into his eyes and said, “I’m sorry for yelling at you. It was wrong of me. I was upset about other things, and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”

You see, saying sorry doesn’t show weakness—it shows respect. It shows your child that their feelings matter and that you’re humble enough to admit your mistakes.

This transparency can build trust and foster a deeper emotional connection with your child. And in the grand scheme of things, it’s these moments of vulnerability that truly communicate love.

4) Show up for them

You can’t always be there for every soccer game or school play, and that’s okay. Life happens. But make it a point to show up for them when it counts.

I still remember the time my daughter had her first ballet recital. Work was crazy, and I was juggling multiple deadlines. But I knew how much it meant to her.

So, I made it a point to be there, front and center. When she spotted me in the audience, the smile on her face was priceless.

Being there for your child’s important moments sends a clear message: “You matter to me”. And isn’t that what love is all about?

Remember, showing up doesn’t always mean being physically present. It could be as simple as being emotionally available when they need you or supporting them in their interests and passions.

These gestures might seem small, but they can go a long way in making your child feel loved.

5) Give them room to grow

Here’s an interesting thing about trees. Did you know that if you plant them too close together, they’ll compete for resources and possibly hinder each other’s growth?

The same applies to children.

By giving them room to grow, to make mistakes, and to discover who they are, we’re showing them a unique form of love.

In my parenting journey, I’ve learned that stepping back is as important as stepping in. It was difficult initially. Watching my son struggle with his math homework without jumping in to help him was tough.

But over time, I saw him develop resilience and problem-solving skills that he wouldn’t have if I’d always been there to save the day.

Let your child experience life — the victories, the mistakes, everything. It’s through these experiences that they’ll learn, grow and understand that your love for them remains constant, regardless of their successes or failures.

6) Empower them with choices

There’s something incredibly powerful about letting your child make their own choices. It reinforces their autonomy and boosts their confidence.

I remember the first time I let my daughter pick out her clothes for the day. She was thrilled to make that decision, and even though her outfit was a wild mix of patterns and colors, she wore it with pride.

By empowering her with that choice, I was silently telling her, “I trust you. I value your decisions.”

This doesn’t mean you have to let them make all the decisions – that would be chaos! But allowing them to make age-appropriate choices can be a great way to express your love and respect for them.

Whether it’s choosing their outfit for the day or deciding what to have for dinner, these small choices can make a big difference in making your child feel loved and respected.

7) Be consistent

Consistency is key. It’s not about the grand, one-time gestures of love, but the small, consistent actions that truly count.

In my own experience, I’ve found that it’s my daily actions – the goodnight kisses, the shared laughter over silly jokes, the comforting hugs during tough times – that have helped create a loving environment for my child.

Consistency in your actions reassures your child of your love for them. It’s through this predictability that they learn to trust and feel secure in your relationship.

Even on those days when you’re tired or preoccupied, remember to keep those little routines going. Because it’s these consistent acts of love that will make your child feel cherished and valued, day in and day out.

Embrace your authentic parenting style

Just like you, I’ve had moments of self-doubt, wondering if my lack of expressiveness was hindering my ability to show love to my child.

But over time, I realized that love isn’t a one-size-fits-all concept. It’s as unique as the person expressing it.

If you’ve recognized some of these tips within your own parenting style, you’re on the right track. And if some points felt new or challenging, that’s okay too. Remember, growth happens outside our comfort zones.

The key is to be authentic and consistent in your actions. Your child doesn’t need grand gestures or eloquent speeches to feel loved. They need your presence, your understanding, and your unwavering support.

Whether you’re the type to shout your love from the rooftops or show it in quiet, consistent ways, remember this – there’s no ‘right’ way to express love. The only thing that matters is that your child feels it.

And in those quiet moments of shared laughter, comforting hugs, and active listening – they do. They feel loved by you every single day.

So keep being you. Because you, with all your uniqueness and authenticity, are exactly the parent your child needs.

As we continue on this parenting journey together, let’s remind ourselves that it’s not just about nurturing our children’s growth; it’s equally about our growth as parents – understanding ourselves better and embracing our unique ways of expressing love.

After all, isn’t that what true authenticity is all about?