8 small relationship habits that quietly destroy trust without you realizing it

Trust is a fragile thing in relationships, more valuable than gold yet so easy to shatter.

And often, it’s the little things we do without realizing that chip away at this precious commodity.

You might not even realize you’re denting that trust, but I’m here to tell you, as Tina Fey, founder of the Love Connection blog and your go-to relationship guru, these small habits can make a huge difference.

In this article, we’ll be delving into eight tiny relationship habits that are slowly eroding trust without you even noticing. These are the silent killers of relationships, and it’s time we shone a light on them.

Stay tuned, because this is a conversation we all need to have. Let’s tackle it together and keep our relationships strong and trust-filled.

1) Little white lies

Honesty is the cornerstone of any relationship.

But sometimes, we find ourselves telling little white lies. Maybe it’s to avoid conflict, or perhaps we think we’re protecting our partner’s feelings. However benign the intention, this habit can be more damaging than you might think.

You see, these seemingly harmless fibs slowly chip away at the trust in your relationship. Each white lie is like a tiny crack in the foundation of your trust, and over time, these cracks can become chasms.

Your partner might not even realize why they’re feeling less secure in your relationship, but it could be because they’ve subconsciously picked up on these small dishonesties.

So try to be honest, even when it’s difficult. It might cause a little discomfort in the moment, but it will do wonders for maintaining trust in the long run.

Remember, trust is built on honesty, not perfection.

2) Lack of open communication

Communication is the lifeblood of a relationship. As someone who’s seen countless relationships bloom and wilt, I, Tina Fey, can testify that a lack of open, honest communication is one of the fastest ways to erode trust.

Here’s the thing: when you’re not communicating openly with your partner, they’re left to fill in the gaps themselves. And often, the stories we tell ourselves are much worse than reality.

We start doubting, second-guessing and this can lead to a breakdown of trust.

An important piece of advice I always share is from none other than George Bernard Shaw. He once said, “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”

So speak up, express yourself and make sure you’re truly being heard. Don’t let the illusion of communication destroy the trust in your relationship.

3) Not respecting personal boundaries

Personal boundaries are the invisible lines that define us as individuals, separate from our partners. But sometimes, we either knowingly or unknowingly cross these lines.

In my experience as a relationship expert and from the numerous case studies I shared in my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, crossing these boundaries can slowly eat away at the trust in your relationship.

Every time you push past your partner’s boundaries, you’re sending a message that their feelings and needs don’t matter. This can make them feel unsafe and insecure, leading to a breakdown of trust.

Pay attention to your partner’s boundaries. Respect them. If you’re unsure about something, ask. It’s always better to have a slightly uncomfortable conversation now than to deal with trust issues later.

Respecting boundaries isn’t just about being a good partner; it’s about being a good person. And if you want to learn more about setting healthy boundaries and overcoming codependency, do check out my book.

It’s full of insights and practical advice that can help you build stronger, healthier relationships.

4) Being too agreeable

Now, this one might seem a bit counterintuitive. After all, isn’t getting along with your partner a good thing?

Well, yes and no. While it’s important to be supportive and understanding, being too agreeable can actually erode trust in a relationship.

Being consistently agreeable might make your partner feel like you’re not expressing your true feelings or opinions. They might start to question if you’re just telling them what they want to hear rather than what you truly think or feel.

This lack of authenticity can damage trust. After all, being in a relationship isn’t about always agreeing with each other. It’s about respecting and valuing each other’s opinions, even when they differ from our own.

Don’t be afraid to express your true thoughts and feelings. Trust is built on authenticity, not mere agreement.

5) Not keeping promises

Promises are like invisible bonds that hold a relationship together. But each time you break one, it’s like cutting that bond.

I remember a time when I promised my partner I’d be home for dinner. Work ran late, and I didn’t make it. It seemed like a small thing to me at the time, but it wasn’t to him. It wasn’t about the dinner; it was about the broken promise.

It taught me a valuable lesson: even small promises are important. Each broken promise, no matter how small, chips away at the trust your partner has in you.

So don’t make promises lightly. And once made, do everything in your power to keep them. It’s one of the simplest yet most powerful ways to build and maintain trust in your relationship.

6) Avoiding tough conversations

Nobody enjoys having uncomfortable conversations. But sometimes, they’re necessary.

When we avoid these tough talks, we’re essentially burying our problems under the rug.

But here’s the harsh truth: they don’t disappear. They fester, grow, and eventually explode, causing far more damage than if we had just confronted them head-on.

Avoidance can lead to mistrust. It leaves your partner questioning what else you might be hiding or avoiding.

Bite the bullet. Have those tough conversations. It might be difficult, it might even be painful, but it’s necessary for maintaining trust in your relationship. Because trust is about facing issues together, not hiding from them.

7) Not being present

In this digital age, it’s easy to be physically present but mentally miles away. I’ve been guilty of this myself, scrolling through my phone while my partner is talking to me.

But when we’re not fully present, we’re sending a message that whatever is on our screens is more important than the person in front of us. This can erode trust and make our partners feel invisible.

As the great philosopher Lao Tzu once said, “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”

Put down your phone, turn off your TV, and give your partner your undivided attention. It’s one of the simplest ways to show them that they are important to you. Trust me, they’ll appreciate it more than you know.

8) Taking each other for granted

Here’s a naked truth: over time, it’s easy to take our partners for granted. We get comfortable, we get complacent, and we forget to appreciate them.

But each time we forget to say thank you for the little things, each time we assume they’ll always be there without making an effort to make them want to be there, we chip away at the trust in our relationship.

Taking someone for granted can make them feel unvalued and unappreciated. And that can lead to a breakdown of trust.

Take a moment each day to show your gratitude. Say thank you. Show your appreciation. It might seem like a small thing, but it can make a world of difference in maintaining trust in your relationship.

Conclusion

Building and maintaining trust in a relationship is a journey, not a destination. It requires constant effort, patience, and understanding.

Remember, it’s often the small things that make the biggest difference. So be mindful of these habits, no matter how insignificant they may seem.

In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve deeper into these issues and provide practical advice on how to overcome them.

But remember, the first step is always awareness. Now that you’re aware of these habits, you’re already on your way to building a stronger, more trusting relationship. Good luck!