7 signs you’re not actually introverted – you’re emotionally guarded

We often hear the phrase, “I’m just an introvert.” It’s a comfortable, easy label to slap on when we don’t feel like socializing or opening up to those around us.

But hold on a second.

What if what you’re experiencing isn’t really introversion? What if it’s a protective shell you’ve constructed around yourself to keep emotional harm at bay?

That’s right.

Sometimes we confuse being introverted with being emotionally guarded. You might think you prefer solitude when, in reality, it’s a defensive mechanism to avoid vulnerability.

In this article, we’re going to delve into seven signs that suggest you’re not actually an introvert – you’re emotionally guarded. It’s all about understanding ourselves better and growing from there.

So, if you’ve found yourself frequently retreating into your shell and wondering if that’s a normal part of your personality or something else entirely, read on.

Let’s shatter some misconceptions and help you align with your true self.

1) You feel drained by social interactions, but not for the reasons you think

It’s a common trait of introverts – feeling drained after social interactions. This is often attributed to the way introverts process information and stimuli, which is internally.

But there’s a twist.

If you find that social interactions leave you feeling drained because you’re constantly on guard or worried about saying the wrong thing, this could be a sign that you’re emotionally guarded, not introverted.

It’s about the why. Are you tired because you’ve been processing a lot of information and stimuli? Or are you exhausted because you’ve been trying to keep your walls up, avoiding vulnerability at all costs?

See the difference? It’s subtle but significant. Understanding this distinction can be a crucial step towards breaking down those walls and fostering genuine connections.

2) You have a habit of pushing people away

Have you ever found yourself pushing people away even when they haven’t done anything wrong? I know I have.

Let me share an example.

A few years back, I met this amazing person at a professional event. They were smart, kind, and we shared similar interests. We got along really well, and they tried to deepen our friendship.

But for some reason, I resisted.

I told myself that I didn’t have time for new friendships. That I was just too introverted to maintain more relationships. But looking back, I realize it wasn’t about being an introvert at all.

I was afraid. Afraid of being vulnerable, afraid of getting hurt. So, I pushed them away before they could get too close.

Sound familiar?

If you’re doing this, it’s likely you’re not an introvert – you’re emotionally guarded. You’re not avoiding people because you’re introverted; you’re avoiding emotional intimacy because it scares you.

3) You find excuses to avoid deep conversations

Here’s a confession: I’ve always been the master of small talk. Whether it’s about the weather, the latest sports game, or trivial gossip – I’ve got it covered.

But when conversations start to veer into deeper waters, things get tricky.

Suddenly, I find myself looking for an escape route – a quick glance at my watch, a sudden urgent call, or the classic “I need to use the restroom” excuse. It’s not that I dislike meaningful conversations. Actually, I crave them. But they also terrify me.

Why?

Because deep conversations require vulnerability. They require me to let my guard down and share parts of myself that I usually keep hidden under layers of self-protection. And that’s scary.

So if you’re like me, constantly dodging deeper connections by sticking to surface-level chit-chat, it might not be your introverted nature at play. It could be that you’re emotionally guarded, protecting yourself from potential emotional discomfort.

4) You struggle with expressing your feelings

Feelings. Those tricky, complicated, messy things that make us human. I’ve often found myself struggling to express them.

It’s not that I don’t feel emotions. Quite the opposite. I feel deeply, intensely. But putting those feelings into words, expressing them to others, that’s where the struggle lies.

You might find yourself in similar shoes.

Perhaps you’ve found it particularly hard to open up about your feelings to others, not because you’re shy or introverted, but because you fear being judged or misunderstood.

You may worry that by exposing your true emotions, you’re opening yourself up to hurt or rejection. But remember, it’s normal to have these fears. It doesn’t make you weak; it makes you human.

The next time you find yourself holding back from expressing your feelings, take a moment to reflect: Is it really because of introversion, or is it a shield you’ve put up to protect yourself emotionally?

5) You’re always in control

Control – it’s a powerful concept, isn’t it? Being in control of our lives, our decisions, and our relationships gives us a sense of security and comfort.

Interestingly, research has shown that individuals who have a high need for control often exhibit emotionally guarded behaviors.

Think about it.

If you always need to be in control, it could be because you’re trying to protect yourself from uncertainty or emotional distress. It’s easier to manage your own reactions and behaviors than it is to predict or deal with someone else’s.

So, if you notice a strong desire to always be in control in your interactions with others, especially when it comes to emotional issues or deep conversations, consider this: It might not be your introverted nature holding you back. You might just be emotionally guarded.

6) You’re quick to build walls, not bridges

Building walls around our hearts can sometimes feel like the safest thing to do. It keeps the possibility of pain and disappointment at bay. I get it, I’ve been there too.

It’s like living in a fortress. It feels secure and comfortable. But it also keeps the good stuff out – warmth, connection, intimacy.

If you find yourself often erecting walls rather than building bridges, remember this: It’s okay. You’re not alone, and it doesn’t mean you’re flawed or broken.

It simply suggests that you might be guarding your emotions more than necessary. It’s not about being introverted; it’s about self-protection from potential emotional harm.

Recognizing this can be the first step towards lowering those walls, even if it’s just a little bit at a time. Remember, it’s okay to let people in. You don’t always have to bear the weight alone.

7) You’re comfortable with distance

Here’s the thing: Emotional distance can feel safe. It’s like a buffer zone, protecting you from potential hurt and disappointment. But it also keeps you from forming deeper connections with others.

If you find yourself maintaining this distance, even with close friends or family, it might not be because you’re introverted. It could be a sign that you’re emotionally guarded.

It’s okay to protect yourself, but remember, vulnerability is not weakness; it’s the birthplace of connection and intimacy. So don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone and let others in. That’s where the magic happens.

Embracing the journey towards vulnerability

So, you’ve recognized the signs and you’re ready for a change. Remember, understanding that you’re emotionally guarded, not introverted, is the first step towards a more authentic life.

Embracing vulnerability can seem daunting. It’s like stepping into unfamiliar territory without a map. But trust me, it’s worth the journey.

Start small. Share an honest opinion, express a feeling you’d normally bottle up, or let someone in on a personal dream or fear. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but with each step, you’ll find it easier.

Remember, it’s not about changing who you are; it’s about breaking down barriers that prevent you from being your most genuine self.

And here’s the beautiful part: as you start to lower your guard, you’ll notice a shift in your relationships. They’ll deepen, become more meaningful. You’ll form stronger connections and experience increased self-confidence.

So take your time. Be patient with yourself. It’s a journey of self-discovery and growth, not a race.

And most importantly, remember this: allowing yourself to be vulnerable isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s an act of courage. It’s about embracing yourself – emotions, fears, dreams, and all – and showing up authentically in your relationships.

Who knows? You might just discover a whole new side of yourself waiting to be unleashed – one that’s grounded in authenticity and courage. And that is something truly special.