3 Ways to Step Outside Your Comfort Zone With Less Fear | May Busch

There’s nothing like a near-death experience to force you out of your comfort zone and to start living differently.

Fortunately, I didn’t have to go through one myself. Instead, I learned from someone who did.

Chip Conley, entrepreneur, author, and founder of the Modern Elder Academy, died nine times in 90 minutes before being revived. Miraculously, he lived to tell the tale, and he’s completely changed how he’s lived since.

In an interview, Chip shared the powerful insights he gained from that life-altering experience.

The one that’s stuck with me is this: in the first half of life, we feel like we need to prove ourselves, so it’s about doing the things we do well. In the second half (he considers midlife to be anywhere from 35-75 years of age), it’s all about improving yourself.

That means learning new things. Getting out of your comfort zone. Becoming a beginner again.

That’s why Chip’s favorite cocktail party question is:

“What in your life are you a beginner at these days?”

He says it usually sends people running for the bar or bathroom because it’s such a weird question. But seriously, learning something new and putting yourself in new situations is what makes life interesting. It’s also what makes you interesting. 

Pushing out beyond the edges of your comfort zone is the only way to keep growing.

Chip’s point made me think about how I would answer his question if he were to ask me.

My 3 lessons from leaving my comfort zone

My latest beginner mode activity took place last week when my daughter and I did something for the first time: a Pilates reformer class.

My first Pilates reformer class with my daughter Renee

As a newbie, I set my sights pretty low. My primary goal was not to fall off the contraption. But I achieved much more than that.

It turned out to be a lot of fun and the session was restorative and refreshing. Maybe because of the intentional breathing that comes with Pilates. Or that we were able to have a laugh when I grabbed the wrong strap on the “machine”.

Inspired by Chip’s advice to be a beginner, here are three lessons I learned from being a beginner at Pilates.

Maybe these will help you as you take on something new, whether it’s in your career or everyday life.

Lesson 1: A Guide Makes All the Difference

Our Pilates instructor Aniko showed us how the machine works. She walked us through it bit by bit, not all at once. And she showed us how we’d be sitting or lying on it, demonstrating everything herself.

She demystified an otherwise baffling piece of apparatus and really put us at ease.

In your career, guides matter just as much. But having a variety of guides is essential.

Many of us rely on our boss, but they can’t do all the guiding alone. No one person has all the answers, and each person has their own perspective on things which may not be impartial.

This is why having a variety of mentors can make a huge difference to your career progress.

That’s why I bring together career insights from a wide range of experts in Career Mastery to help our members grow and excel in their careers – from former CEOs to executive coaches to best-selling authors.

And there will be times when you won’t want your boss to see the messy behind-the-scenes part of getting your act together. Just like watching how sausages are made can put you off eating them.

This is where having an executive coach (or a mentor from outside of your organization) can be helpful. A confidential and non-partisan third party who has only your interests at heart.

How about you? Who is your guide, or are you a guide for someone else?

Lesson 2: The Buddy System Works

Going into a new situation with a trusted friend or family member (or colleague in the case of work) makes a difference.

First, you have a support and accountability system. 

Like having my fellow steering group members to talk to as we were in the waiting room (which we coined the “nervous room”) before an important meeting with a key investor.

We were able to do a final dry run and calm each other’s nerves… and we ended up nailing the meeting!

In the case of trying something outside of my comfort zone, like the Pilates class, having my daughter involved meant that there was no backing out. I followed through on something I’m usually “too busy” to do but have always wanted to try.

Second, you have someone to share the experience with and talk about it afterwards. 

In a work setting, research says people are far more engaged when they have friends at work. We humans are pack animals. We want to feel a sense of belonging. That’s why having trusted relationships and forming connections with peers as a support system for your career are so valuable.

This is where you’ll benefit from having access to a group of peers who are not in your immediate circle but are going through similar experiences as you. These are people you can talk with about challenges confidentially, without fear of repercussions for your career advancement.

This is why I am a part of a few mastermind groups with people from different geographical locations from me, but have insight into the stage of my business I’m going through. They help me expand my comfort zone.

Who are your trusted peers, and who are you a trusted peer for?

Lesson 3: Your Mindset Shapes Your Experience

Going into the Pilates experience with curiosity meant I was up for just about anything. Having an open mind and low or no expectations frees you up to explore and experience what unfolds.

Not judging myself or comparing myself to others allowed me to stay present, learn, and enjoy the experience.

Contrast that mindset with the time my company transferred me to London to start the corporate bond origination business. My mindset sucked because I was filled with expectations (you can bet I set the bar high) and I compared myself to the competition.

Every setback seemed monumental. My initial hiring plan was a flop. I continually redoubled my efforts, which landed me on the brink of burnout. And I neglected a key set of stakeholders by mistake.

Through it all, my negative self-talk was brutal. I kept beating myself up for not getting results faster. And my frustration carried over to the way I interacted with colleagues. It was not pretty.

Thankfully, three weeks off at yearend gave me time to reset, and things improved in the new year along with my mindset. We ended up becoming the market leader, but it was a far more painful way to be a beginner than it needed to be.

You don’t need a near-death experience to start living differently

Chip’s brush with death gave him the gift of perspective. But we can all learn from his insights without having to go through the same trauma.

When you make an effort to try something outside of your comfort zone, remember:

1. A guide makes all the difference 
2. The buddy system works
3. Your mindset shapes your experience

So, what’s your answer to Chip’s question?

What in your life are you a beginner at these days?

Leave a comment – I’d love to know.