If you recognize these 8 signs, you were brought up by parents who had very little empathy for you

If you’ve ever felt misunderstood as a child, you’re not alone. Growing up with parents who lacked empathy can be a tough row to hoe. It’s a bit like trying to learn a language from someone who only speaks in riddles.

Sure, they’re saying something, but deciphering it could take you a while. And it’s not always about what they say, but rather, what they don’t.

The tricky part is that these signs aren’t always obvious. In fact, they can be so subtle that it might take a deep dive into your own psyche to even recognize them.

But here’s the kicker – recognizing these signs can be a powerful tool for personal growth and authenticity. So let’s take this journey together and uncover the 8 signs that you were brought up by parents who had very little empathy for you.

1) You’re overly self-reliant

Independence is a virtue, right? It’s one of those qualities most of us aspire to have. But there’s a thin line between independence and self-reliance to a fault.

Growing up with parents who lacked empathy often means you had to navigate the choppy waters of life alone from an early age. You had to fend for yourself, figure things out, and often swallow your emotions because there was no one to understand or validate them.

This can make you overly self-reliant, always insisting on doing everything yourself because that’s what you’ve always known. You might find it hard to ask for help, even when you need it, because in your experience, help was never readily available.

In essence, your emotions become a lonely island that only you inhabit.

It’s not easy, but acknowledging this is the first step towards growth and authenticity. After all, understanding our past is crucial for shaping our future and becoming the person we truly want to be.

2) You struggle with expressing emotions

Here’s a confession – for the longest time, I thought being stoic was a strength. I prided myself on my ability to keep my emotions hidden, to function even when I was feeling low, and to never let anyone see me cry.

Looking back now, I see where that came from. My parents, bless them, weren’t the most empathetic folks. Emotions were viewed as weaknesses, and tears were met with indifference. I quickly learned that there was no point in expressing how I felt because it wouldn’t change anything.

So, I bottled up everything inside and put on a brave face, even when I was breaking inside.

But here’s what I also learned: suppressing your emotions isn’t strength; it’s a coping mechanism. A defense mechanism against the pain of not being understood.

It took me years to unlearn that habit and start expressing my feelings openly. It was terrifying at first, but freeing at the same time. It allowed me to connect with people on a deeper level and opened up a whole new world for me.

3) You have a high tolerance for poor treatment

Did you know that children who grow up with less empathetic parents often become adults who tolerate poor treatment from others? It’s an unfortunate cycle.

Because they’re accustomed to their feelings being disregarded, they can become blind to the red flags that indicate they’re being treated unfairly or unkindly. They might even normalize this behavior, thinking it’s just how people interact with each other.

It’s like having a faulty emotional compass that consistently points you towards unhealthy relationships and situations.

But here’s the good news – once you recognize this pattern, you can break it. You can learn to set boundaries, to say no when needed, and to demand respect from others.

4) You’re a people pleaser

Growing up with parents who lacked empathy often leads to a constant urge to please others.

Why? Because as a child, you might have believed that if you could just make your parents happy, they would finally understand and validate your emotions.

Unfortunately, this need to please can carry over into adulthood, leading to a tendency to put everyone else’s needs and wants before your own. You might find yourself constantly going out of your way for others, even at your own expense.

The irony is that in trying to make others happy, you might forget to take care of your own happiness.

Recognizing this trait can be a turning point in your journey towards personal growth and authenticity. It’s important to remember that it’s okay to prioritize your needs and emotions. After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup.

5) You struggle with self-esteem

This one hits close to home for me. For a long time, I struggled with self-esteem issues. I constantly doubted my worth and questioned my abilities. In my mind, I was never good enough, smart enough, or simply enough.

I realized later that this stemmed from my upbringing. My parents, although they did their best, didn’t quite understand how to validate and nurture my feelings. I often felt unseen and unheard.

This lack of validation can lead to a shaky sense of self-worth that lingers into adulthood. You might find yourself seeking approval from others to fill the void left by your parents’ lack of empathy.

But here’s what I’ve learned – your worth is not determined by others’ opinions or validations. It’s something inherent, something that you carry within you.

So if you’re struggling with self-esteem issues like I once did, know that it’s okay to seek help and work towards building a healthier relationship with yourself.

6) You excel at reading others

Interestingly enough, growing up with less empathetic parents can sometimes make you exceptionally good at reading others. Sounds odd, right? Let me explain.

When your emotional needs aren’t met as a child, you tend to become hyper-aware of others’ emotions in an attempt to understand your own. You learn to pick up on subtle cues, shifts in mood, and non-verbal signs that others might miss.

In essence, you become an expert at understanding others because you had to try so hard to be understood yourself.

But while this can be a useful skill, it’s important not to lose yourself in the process. Understanding others shouldn’t come at the cost of neglecting your own emotional needs.

After all, self-awareness is the stepping stone to personal growth and authenticity.

7) You’re prone to feeling guilty

If you often feel guilty for no apparent reason, it could be a sign that you were raised by parents who had little empathy. Unresolved feelings from childhood, especially when they involve our parents, have a sneaky way of showing up in our adult lives.

You might find yourself feeling guilty for expressing your needs, standing up for yourself, or even just taking time for self-care. This is because, as a child, expressing your needs might have been met with indifference or even disapproval.

This guilt can be a heavy load to carry around, and it can hinder your personal growth and self-expression.

Everyone has needs and emotions, and expressing them is not only normal but necessary. Letting go of this guilt is a process, but it’s one that can lead to a more authentic and fulfilling life.

8) You’re stronger than you think

Growing up with parents who lacked empathy can be incredibly tough, but it’s important to remember this: it also makes you incredibly resilient.

You’ve navigated through emotional landscapes that others might find bewildering. You’ve developed skills and coping mechanisms that have helped you survive. You’ve learned to understand others in ways that many can’t.

And most importantly, you’ve managed to hold on to your capacity for empathy, despite not having received much of it yourself.

This resilience is a testament to your strength. It’s proof that you are capable of growth, change, and forming meaningful relationships.

So yes, your past may have been challenging. But it has also shaped you into a resilient individual who is capable of understanding and empathizing with others on a profound level.

Embracing your journey

If you’ve made it this far, hopefully, you’ve begun to see that growing up with less empathetic parents, while undoubtedly challenging, has shaped you in unique ways.

Because having less empathy in your upbringing does not define your worth. Instead, it highlights your resilience, your capacity for understanding others, and yes, your strength.

It’s a part of your journey that has played a crucial role in shaping who you are today. It’s not a stain on your character, but rather a testament to your ability to endure and grow despite adversity.

In the wise words of renowned psychologist Carl Rogers, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

You are not just a product of less empathetic parents. You are a resilient individual capable of growth, change, and nurturing the empathy within yourself that you may have been denied.

And that makes you not just an incredibly strong person, but also an extraordinary one to be around.